2016 Year in review

In some ways, 2016 is a year I want to forget (mostly because of politics), but overall it's been a good year. Life has been good to us and I am reminded daily when my kid does something that makes me proud, when my husband makes me laugh, and when I get a call from my dad and know I'm lucky to still have him here. Since it's the end of the year I've been reflecting as so many are. I've organized my thoughts on this in different ways in the past and thought about just posting my favorite pictures since photography has been such a big part of my life lately, but I figure my future self would like to read back on a few more details so here we go with my round up of the year...

Health

Knock on wood, but I feel really grateful to not be sick right now, or for that matter, for much of the year. This has been one of my healthier years and I'm guessing I totally just cursed myself, but I'll take that risk. I had a super low level virus about a month ago that didn't really turn into anything. Before that, the last cold I remember was when I came home from Oregon and Washington... and get this - it only lasted a week. My viruses tend to last a few months so this was a downright miracle for me. Jesse and I called it the "PNW cold" and were ready to move if it meant leaving behind our debilitating viruses.

Other than that, Jesse and Riley have been healthy as have most other people. My dad has had more cancer taken off his ears and struggles with arthritis in his neck, but that guy still works harder than anyone I know.

Loss

Jesse's aunt just passed away, but I can't think of anyone else close to us that died this year. Grateful for that.

I did experience another sort of loss and that was my dad selling his farm. I still grieve about this, but am also resolved about it. It is what it is. I have a lot of memories of this place and am mostly okay with that. I think the bigger loss for me is knowing that my brother, Scott, will never be able to spend time on the farm. I should have known when my brother died years ago that it would change the trajectory of this property, but I always hoped for something more for this place. Perhaps the hardest part of letting go is knowing that Scott is buried there. My dad, Riley and I went out one last time before it was sold and scattered his ashes, and even though Riley never met my brother, I was so pleased that she wanted to be a part of it. She seemed to get the importance of it and what it meant for me.

Milestones

Lets see, Riley turned 6 and asked for a flower themed party. I was happy to oblige.

Riley lost a few more teeth. After the first few, I've lost count. She also transitioned from kindergarten to 1st grade and is doing great in school. Can't think of any other milestones to report, but it seems like there should be more.

Extra Curricular's

Riley took swimming and gymnastics this year. We went through the city for gymnastics, but the classes were offered sporadically so she hasn't been in that since the summer. We are debating about if we want to go to one of the spendier places around here or find something else for her to do.

As far as swimming, we started that before Riley was in kindergarten and have been going continuously since then. She loves swim class, but at some point we weren't sure she was growing or getting the guidance she needed so we just changed to a new swim school that has a different structure. She had a smile on her face the entire time during her last class so I hope that's a good sign.

Adventures

I feel like we never get in enough camping opportunities, but now that Riley's older I'm hoping to to this more. Plus, Jesse purchased a tent in November that sits on top of the truck that he's already been camping in twice. Before this fancy new tent, we went to Fall Lake in the spring. Jesse wanted to right the wrong that I'd never been to the boundary waters, but knew that we couldn't do a full on boundary waters trip with Riley so we planned a mini trip. We planned to stay two nights, but a nasty storm was headed our way so we only spent a night on the edge of the boundary waters. I can say that I canoed there so there's that. My nature loving husband struggled with staying at a campground where you could hear far too much of your human neighbors, and I made the mistake of reading about bears that attack on the ride north, but other than that it was fun!

I made an unexpected trip to Missouri with my dad in July. My nephew had gotten into some trouble and my sister really needed the support of family so my dad and I decided to road trip to see her. I hadn't seen her in years so I was glad that we could go. I know she and her family were also grateful to see us, especially dad. Turns out, my dad went back down there a month later with my sister's other son that lives in Minnesota so they got to see him twice this summer. I thought about bringing Riley, but wasn't sure it was the right time to do so and immediately regretted it. Next time!

Jesse and I have been talking about visiting the Pacific Northwest for some time... and Jesse had already noted that he would like to move there without even have ever visited. I've had a friend living in Seattle for some time that I always planned to visit, but then another friend moved out to Oregon last year and it just seemed like the right time to go.

First, I have to say that I have some amazing women in my life. They are spread all over, and I sometime go long stretches without seeing or talking with them, but when we do connect I am reminded of how lucky am I to have them in my life at all. Ryann and I had barely connected in the past 10 years, but she opened her house and time to us right away. Riley adored her daughter and asked us to get a new kid so she could stay with them. Haha. #shewasserious.

Joanna also welcomed us into her home and introduced us to some of her friends that we adored. No surprise that she has other awesome friends. :) Besides the wonderful hospitality, we LOVED Washington and Oregon - especially Oregon. It might have been that we got a good fill of nature there from beach to hiking, but we were ready to move. There have been places that I thought would be nice to live, but this was the first time that I could really see myself elsewhere. I won't be moving anytime soon, but I know once I give the thumbs up Jesse will start packing.

Other adventures

Jesse went  on several trips with his truck buddies this year so I feel like I should mention that. This sort of started when we bought a Toyota Tacoma a couple years ago, but kicked into gear when Jesse talked about taking a solo trip to South Dakota. Last year, we went as a family, but Jesse really wanted to go back to camp and hike. I was a little nervous about him going alone when he'd be so far away so I suggested he connect with some of the guys he'd gotten to know on the Tacoma forum. Turns out there is a community of people who love their Tacoma's and want to share their love with like minded people. I don't think this happens with Kia Sportage drivers, but I've never actually checked so who knows.

South Dakota was the start of several trips as they have also been to Michigan and Northern MN. Apparently, there is some ice road trip being planned soon and my husband regularly connects with his buddies to work on their trucks. Another upside is that he now knows some vehicle things that he didn't know before.

South Dakota

South Dakota

Northern MN and the new truck tent

Truck friends

 Photography

So it was back in 2013 that I decided that I was going to take my photography more seriously and while it's felt like a slow growth overall, I feel like so much has happened this year. I'm still constantly learning and growing, but I feel like I have a real community of people who have this same passion and support me.

In the spring I went on the Clickin walk again, but this time I made connections. The year before was a super large group, but this one was intimate enough to get to know other people. Plus, our leaders shared so much knowledge with us. It felt like I was being mentored for free. One of the participants was a recent transplant from out of state and I love how she's been so welcoming. I've gone shooting with her and am part of a blog circle that she invited me to.

Later in the spring, I posted a picture of my dad on Instagram and hashtagged a number of photography sites and ended up winning a beautiful camera bag from Lilah Snow and will be featured in Dear Photographer's first magazine in January. I know this isn't the best picture, but I think a lot of people got the 'feels' when they saw it. We stopped at the barber on the way home from our last visit to the farm and I feel like my dad's face holds all the emotions I was feeling, and I assume he was feeling too. I felt very honored to be recognized in this way. And I never thought I would be a #hashtag kind of person, but it's really connected me to some people that I wouldn't have otherwise so I am happy that I took that leap.

This summer, I was invited to a BBQ at one of Riley's friend's house. While there, I got to know a mom of one of Riley's other friends that I'd seen around, but never talked to. Turns out she's a huge photography fan as well and she only lives a few blocks from me. I'd been thinking about signing up for an online photography class, but she's the one who really encouraged me to do so and then sent me multiple suggestions throughout the rest of the year. I will blame her for the dent it made in my pocketbook, but am also so thankful for her as it encouraged me to take yet another step in my photography journey.

In my first class, I met a local woman who I'd also recently started following on IG and she's been an inspiration as well. We recently found a couple opportunities to meet face to face, and while Jesse has his truck buddies, I can officially say that I have my photography buddies.

I also completed a couple photo shoots for family this year. I was able to do my nieces senior pictures and my nephew's newborn pictures. Honored that my family asked me to capture these special moments for them.

I finished a project 52 and have been talked into a project 365 for 2017 where I plan to include a self portrait each week. I hope to also build in something where I take more pictures of my dad. We'll see how well I follow along, but I feel like I have the support to (mostly) stay on track.

So yeah, the photography section felt like it took up a huge part of this post, but besides my family, work and an ever lasting bathroom remodel it is such a big chunk of my life. Oh! I almost forgot to mention that in the last days of 2016 I upgraded to a full frame camera and splurged on a lens that is known for being SHARP so there's that. My husband isn't one to pour on the compliments, but he totally encouraged this purchase so I know he supports my photography.

I'm sure there are a ton of things I'm missing here. I know I didn't talk nearly enough about how great my kid is, but I'm holding out for her birthday post which will happen in February. And I probably don't talk enough about how wonderful my husband is, but he helped me feel sane (and not alone) this year when there were times when I was so frustrated by the decisions of our world.

We had our highs and lows in 2016, but the highs outweighed the lows by far. I'm looking forward to what 2017 has to bring our little family.

Goodbye Farm

*This post is mostly for me as it's a bit of a ride down memory lane with our family farm. It includes a lot of random memories that are just dumped on the page. It could be better organized, but no blog post will capture the scope of my memories of this place. Warning, it had a lot of pictures...

My dad bought his farm in Little Falls, WI in the 1960's with the hope that he would one day retire there. Life didn't turn out quite like he imagined. His wife got Alzheimer's and then his son, who he thought would take over the farm, passed away. I tried to step up to the plate, but I think in the end, my dad thought the farm would be too much of a burden for me. He recently decided to sell it and as I write this some other family officially owns it and will make their own memories there.

The farm has been used in many ways over the years. In those early days (before I was around, but when my brother and sister were little), my dad used to actually farm the land on the weekends. I'm not sure when that petered out, but the farm has also been essential for my dad to get his wood supply to heat his house with his pot belly stove. For many years, going to the farm ensured that we would be cutting and hauling wood. So much cutting and hauling wood.

While the farm always included some sort of work, we did have some fun, whether it was going down to the Apple River, snowmobiling on our Johnson snowmobiles in the winter, or cutting down Christmas trees. In the early years, we would easily come back with 20 trees for friends and family. Seeing it was also Wisconsin's deer hunting season, I always think of us as lucky to never have been shot at since people tresspassed all the time. While we typically were near our loud farm truck, my farm coat was the exact same color as a deer. Not exactly my smartest move, but that was a darn warm coat. #no regrets

Us kids by the Apple river. Years later, my brother painted a picture of this photo that now hangs in my dad's house.

We've rented the farm house out off and on and have had a variety of people and pets live there. In the early years, there was a woman and her daughter living there that disappeared. We went out to the farm one weekend and found all their belongings piled in the front yard. Not a clue to this day what happened to them, but later, when my sister, Karen, lived at the farm with her family, she said there were ghosts upstairs as she heard a mother and child speaking to each other and her son's rocking horse rocked on it's own each afternoon at a specific time. There is a marsh right next to the farm and I've always wondered if they met some terrible demise and were disposed of there. Later, we had a renter that took really good care of the place, but ended up in prison after writing a threatening letter to the president or some other official. I'm sure there was more to it than that, but I know it was something pretty serious.

When my sister lived at the farm, there wasn't an indoor bathroom or indoor water initially. And, the kitchen stove was an old wood stove too - like she had to heat up the stove with wood to cook every day. I think I would have eaten a lot of sandwiches and cereal had I lived there at that time. Not sure how she did it, but all those things were eventually updated. I was only about 8 years old when she lived there, but I have a lot of memories of those times. Probably, the most vivid was when I opened the door to go upstairs to bed and a bat flew right out at me. That was fun... if you're into being chased by bats, that is.

Years later, in between renters, we decided to use it as a cabin of sorts. My brother had young kids and a bunch of nieces and nephews that he would bring out to go tubing on the Apple river, dirt biking, four wheeling, and snowmobiling. I spent many weekends out there during that time and found time to go out there alone (with my cat) and with friends. My friend, Laura, and I spent a day walking through the woods only to find ourselves covered with more ticks than I've ever had on me before - perhaps more than I've had over all the years combined. No joke. The ride home included multiple stops just to remove ticks. Creeps me out to even think about it now.

My brother carved our family name at the entrance of the farm.

Speaking of bugs, my brother was very handy and artistic and decided to make a bed out of a tree with the bark still on it. It was a nice looking bed, but I only slept on it once since I could hear bugs munching on the wood all night. That was enough for me.

It was about this time that we cleared the trails and built the second barn. My dad had cleared trails 25 plus years before, but they'd grown over. In the end, we estimated that we cleared 5 - 6 miles worth of trails. I sort of think of these days as the glory days of the farm. The farm was well tended and I think my dad saw my brother, Scott, as someone who would continue to love the farm as he always did. There was a sense of a future here.

Haha. One of my favorite pictures of my brother. 

Whenever I see a blue Dodge pick up I think of my brother.

I also found a lot of pictures from this time (1998 - 2000) and while these are scanned in film pictures, they are some of my favorite since they bring me back to a time when my brother was around and my dad wasn't so worried about his own future. Family meant a lot to my brother so he did a lot to make sure everyone was having a good time. It seems like a lifetime ago that he was lighting fireworks off here every year on the 4th of July (see also: surprised the barn never burned down) or was burning a huge fire in the 6 foot + diameter fire pit (see also: surprised the fields didn't burn down as well).

This barn is now gone and mostly buried underground.

Clearing trails:

The truck once almost tipped over on my dad in this spot once so we eventually had a bob cat
come in a level the trail. I can still feel that moment of fear when I thought my dad was hurt.

My nieces and  a bit of wild Brad sitting in one of many farm trucks we had. I have no idea what Brad is 
up to these days, but he should be a professional dirt biker or a dare devil or something crazy like that. 

Under all the leaves and pine needles is a big, heavy metal plate that we pulled behind
the truck to help keep the trails clear. And that's my sister's old Studebaker in the back.

Fall at the farm:

The Apple River:

Path to the river

Building the barn:

The old tractor:

I don't know why these pictures scanned in so saturated. Annoying.

Other random pictures from those days:

Inside part of the new barn that we sectioned off so we could heat it and sleep out there if needed. 

My friend Laura and the tickiest walk I've ever been on.

My dad bolted this broken saw to the rock. Totally a Frank thing to do.
Also he had us both pose with it. Also a Frank thing to do.

The time we replaced the 'No Hunting' and 'No Trespassing' signs. Didn't matter -
people did what they wanted to do and would dump garbage on our land - especially tires.
Also, don't judge my '90's jeans and my free Marlboro sweatshirt.
Farm clothes, people!

I may have gotten the photography thing from my dad a bit. He often suggested we take pictures. 

The play house my brother built for his daughter.

One of my favorite memories was after the barn was built when my dad and I were out at the farm doing some extra work on one thing or the other. It was a hot day and after awhile my dad, who never stops working, turned and handed me some cash and asked me to drive to to the (now closed) mercantile to get us some beer. I hadn't drank beer with my dad too much so it was a pretty special moment for me to chill with my dad sharing a 6 pack. In fact, on our last visit to the farm he sat down and looked out at the yard and commented how it would be nice to just sit there and have a beer.

Some years later my dad and I went out to the farm in the winter and decided to pull out a snowmobile. I hadn't been snowmobiling with my dad in years so this was also a special memory. I remember that the snow was super deep and fluffy and the snowmobile we were on wasn't handling the deep snow with two people on it's back that well. We came around a corner and fell sideways. We we looked up and a couple of deer were standing nearby just looking at us. I don't know how long we laid there, but it felt like we hung out with those deer forever. It was probably 15 seconds, but it was a cool moment.

Then my brother had a massive stroke in 2008 and it felt like so much changed. We weren't out at the farm as much anyway since the kids had grown, but it shifted the feel of the farm. I always felt a little sad being out there after that. There were signs of him everywhere which were constant reminders that he was gone.

Burying my brother at the farm.

Me, my brother's daughter, my sister, my sister's daughter, and my dad.

Eventually, I had my own child and I started bringing her out there. She was confused at first because her definition of a farm included farm animals, but she loved seeing the farm dog and exploring with us.

These belong to our former renters. The current renters have three deer heads on the wall.
Not sure I'd feel comfortable having them look down on me while I was watching TV.

While my dad rented out the house for many years, he also rented out some of the fields for farming from time to time and he sold off trees. Many of those trees became Christmas trees at random churches. Occasionally, it would be helpful to clean up the woods so new growth could continue. He'd have a logger come in and cut trees. I think the last time he did this might have contributed to his decision to sell the farm as the logging company ran into many issues including multiple people being injured on our property. I know he worried about being accountable for it.

When my dad bought the farm, many of these trees were new. The government paid landowners to plant trees and so the former owner planted 10,000 trees on this property. Speaking of the former owner, there was an article in the paper a handful of years ago about a guy who donated some farm land recently. Turns out it was the guy that used to own this property and I was able to connect him with my dad for a chat.

My dad also had part of the land put into a DNR program which would prevent it from being developed for 25 years.

I always loved this trail in the fall. There was an old pop or beer can propped in a tree that we should have removed,
but it's been there since who know when (it was a really old can) and I wanted to see how long it would last.

Riley and I went for one last visit with my dad a couple weeks ago. I wanted to see the place one last time to take in all the sights and smells and memories. We also wanted to say goodbye to my brother, Scott, by scattering his ashes. He loved that place, and if he was still around, there would be a good chance that he'd be living there. Originally, we buried him in a cedar box my dad made, we included notes, placed a couple plaques nearby and planted a tree.

My favorite farm dog, Thor.

My dad suggested scattering Scott's ashes around the farm as he felt that was a better fit than sitting in a box (and they might be disturbed where they were anyway). We brought the plaques home, and unfortunately the tree died recently. At any rate, my dad has 140 acres, most covered in woods. I anticipated we take the farm truck on the trails and scatter my brother that way. My dad is more practical, than sentimental so he just started scattering the ashes in the front yard. It wasn't the touching moment I had anticipated, but I was proud when Riley said she wanted to help.

My dad would break off a chunk of ashes and try to disburse them in the grass, but the ashes had hardened into one big block making his task difficult. I was taking pictures at first, but stopped momentarily when my dad dropped the bag of ashes and started stomping on them to break them up. I pointed out that he was stomping on his son and we had a little laugh about it, but I'm guessing some people would have been horrified by that moment. If Scott were alive he would be the first one making a joke about it so it seemed appropriate to laugh. My brother was freaking hilarious and I can totally hear him telling a funny story right now. Scott was able to find the funny in anything.

Moments before my dad stomped on my brother.

Eventually, I convinced my dad to head to the edge of the woods to scatter the ashes and Riley continued to help. I had previously talked with her about this and even showed her our cats ashes (that we have yet to scatter in our own yard). Side note: I meant to wash her hands after this, but totally forgot and then served her lunch. So, it's highly likely that she may have had a side of Scott with her sandwich. Mother moment of the year.

Later we did take a ride through the trails. They were horribly overgrown and just made me sad. I planned to take more pictures of the trails and the fields, but I sort of wanted to remember them they way they were. Another side note: The farm truck (actually, it's now a jeep) smelled like a rat family of 3000 had been using it as their toilet for years. It was absolutely disgusting and should be put out of it's misery.

We rented the open land to a farmer who is growing soybeans this year.

One last stroll around the yard and house:

That's supposed to be a garden in there. 

I was determined to get a bunch of pictures of my dad at the farm.

My dad dug up a couple pine trees for his yard and it occurred to me that my rock and tree supply was about to dry up. I suddenly wanted to dig up my own trees even though I had no place to put them and I had to convince myself that I had all the rocks I needed for lining my flower gardens.

My weird kid

After collecting a few last things (easiest move ever - my dad basically left everything there except
some nails and gloves and such) we drove down to the Apple River right around the corner. There is a somewhat steep trail that heads down to the river so I wasn't sure my 88 year old dad (with a fake hip) should be going down there, but he grabbed a walking stick and followed us down the path. There I was in the middle, trying to make sure my 6 year old in front of me and my dad in back of me didn't fall.

Drop off straight ahead

It had been some time since I'd been down to this spot. I spotted some new trails, and my favorite trail (to the big rock by the rapids) was inaccessible since the water was high. When I was little I was equally delighted to splash in the water at the Apple river, but totally scared by the drop off in the water at the bottom of the trail. I've never once tubed down this river and it's probably partly because it scares me a bit. Two little girls (that I know of) drowned there. One was my age and I went to her funeral when I was about 7 or 8. Just to the side of the drop off, the water is so shallow you can easily walk across without the water coming up much past your knees. My dad used to lead me across when I was little and at one point there was a rope you could hold on to for guidance. I've had some peaceful moments down by that river, but there is sadness there too.

On our way home we stopped in the small town of Star Prairie. For the last 50 some years my dad has been stopping to get his haircut at the barber there so I was glad that he wanted to stop one last time. In all my years going out to the farm with him, I don't think I ever went into the barber shop. He'd always have me wait in the truck, but this time I went in and had my camera with me. It seemed like a memory that I would always want to keep.

While we drove to the farm on the 94 route, we decided to go back home through Stillwater. It's my preferred way, but it meant that we wouldn't stop at the Dairy Queen in New Richmond one last time. It was a tradition when I was little to stop for some ice cream on the way home and even though it's been years since we've done so, it's something I'll greatly miss.

Farm, thank you for sharing your land with us. I will forever treasure my memories of our time together.(And bravo to all of you who stuck with this post and read it to the end.)

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard - Winnie the Pooh