Book Review - Silent Tears

Silent Tears: A Journey of Home in a Chinese Orphanage by Kay Bratt

Ugh, I feel like I read this so long ago and won't do it justice by finally writing about it now. Silent Tears documents the authors time in China while volunteering at a local orphanage. The author shares her story in journal format mostly focused on the orphanage, but also gives us a glimpse into life as an American living in China.

I'll warn you - it's heartbreaking and you may end the book feeling like you want to foster or adopt a gazillion babies. There were times I thought I should stop reading as it was just too difficult to stomach the lives these children were living (or not living). The orphanage was not a warm, loving place and a lot of children died or lived in less than favorable conditions. And if children were not in good health they were less likely to get attention, full feedings, and general care.

The author helped find additional volunteers and they were not only able to assist the staff, but hold the children, bring them treats, and raise money for surgeries. The volunteers had to struggle with what they thought was best for the babies (more food, warm rooms, being held, medical help...) with needing to be mindful of cultural norms, and financial constraints. For some volunteers it was understandably too much, but for others it drove them to continue doing what they could for these children.

Is this orphanage representative of all orphanages in China? Probably not. And I'm guessing there have been changes to this particular site as well. At least I hope so. But I think the author gives us a good inside view of what life is like for these children and that sometimes little things can make a big difference.

Grade:A -

Books read since the beginning of 2012: 21

September Photo a Day Week 2

September Photo a Day inspired by Fat Mum Slim

9/8

At night

I  took some other 'at night' photos, but must have deleted them because I cannot find them anywhere. That's ok, because they were pretty uninspiring. Above is a pretty typical scene after I get home from work and as far as I am concerned falls into the 'at night' area. Once I get home I try to quickly eat and then head outside with a bucket of chalk and the kid (sometimes we go for a stroller walk or to the park at the end of the block). I have to admit I am really dreading winter and not having these outside moments with my girl because let's face it - I won't be going outside every night once it gets cold and especially once it starts snowing.

9/9

Something you do most weekends

Jesse and I recently joined a gym. We used to belong to the gym and then moved to another city. Then I got pregnant and had a kid and the gym seemed like a low priority. I mean, I was getting a work out chasing after my little one. But it finally came upon us - we just could deny it anymore... we were getting lazy and weak. I realized that almost 4 years had gone by for me since I belonged to a gym. Sure I tried to stay active, but it just wasn't the same. Not only did we join a gym, but we joined one of the big ones. I've always belonged to smaller, less intimidating gyms, but this one has child care and you know, priorities change.

We also went to the park which is very typical of our weekends. What was different is that Riley went down this slide ALL BY HERSELF. She always wants to sit on one of our laps on this slide, but basically turned to me and told me she was going down and then was gone... and then did it over and over and over. It was awesome.

9/10

Black + White

I just randomly opened the medicine cabinet and decided to take this picture. This is just some of our pain medication (it doesn't include my prescription stuff). Unfortunately, Jesse and I both get headaches, plus I deal with some other pain too. I try to manage the pain in other ways than medication... even before I started back at the gym I'd do stretching each day, try to eat healthy, be mindful of my triggers, breathe... it is what it is. I just don't want it to take away from being the best mom I can be to Riley and I worry that she will inherit this stuff too. I'm crossing my fingers that she doesn't.

9/11

Hero

OK, so this picture was a stretch for the prompt 'hero', but I couldn't think of anything else. Plus, a lot of these days I end up taking these pictures as a last thought of the day. This was the masterpiece Riley created at daycare. When I just showed her this picture she told me "Char did it". Char is her daycare provider. I'm guessing Char helped her with this, but if Char actually did it I'd say she needs to get some art lessons.

9/12

Together

I was going to post one of the other pictures I took of us where she kept giving me kisses, but they were all super blurry. She'd kiss me, but already be trying to see the picture I took. So this is the clearest one I had. Plus, she finally told me "no pictures" after about 15 of them. She's been really lovey this week with me which has delighted me to no end since she's been a bit more about daddy recently. One night as I was reading a book to her I leaned over and kissed her hand. She told me "no kissing" so I gave her a sad look and pretended to kiss her feet. I then turned back to the book only to have her say "kiss me". I turned around and she was leaned in and puckered up for a kiss on the lips. I've been noticing more and more how she understands what other people's feelings are and how to react to them. It was like she knew I was sad she said she didn't want me to kiss her so she tried to make up for it. Love that she's putting two and two together.

9/13

Table

I've mentioned this table before, but to remind everyone the table was mine when I was little... and actually my siblings as well (and they are 10+ years older than me). My dad sanded and stained it for Riley along with a rocking chair I had too. Next up, he's fixing my old playhouse (again it belonged to my siblings first). I can't wait to get it in our backyard for Riley to play with. I hope she enjoys it as much as I did as a kid.

9/14

Favorite

Again, my favorite time of day is playing outside with Riley after I get home from work. I'm not one to eagerly get bundled up in the winter to go outside so I am a little worried about how we will entertain ourselves inside when that time comes. It's not that we don't have enough to do, but she's become a little obsessed with asking to watch TV and as long as we are inside she will ask (and whine), but when we're outside she couldn't care less about TV. I'm seriously ready to move the TV out of the house. 

What Do You Do and Why? - Deb

What do you do and why?

Deb

Deb and I met in the early 90's during her NSP days (see below). We have a mutual friend, Kari, who happened to be my roommate at the time. Deb does a great job of showing how a career path can ebb and flow. Too often people think "If I just do this it will lead to that". I, myself, know too well that this isn't true. And sometimes that's good because we learn so much from going on these journeys. Read on for Deb's story.

1. What do you do?

I’m an HR Contractor.  What that means is that I am employed by a contracting company called Experis (formerly Manpower, formerly Comsys) and they contract my services to a company called Accenture.  To Experis my title is “Professional Consultant” and within Accenture my title is “Talent Fulfillment Specialist” or TFS.  Basically what I do is to staff the people that are assigned to my “Resource Pool” (that’s about 260+) in roles within the company.

2. Why did you choose to do this? Have you always wanted to do this? Did you fall into this career or actively take steps to get here? Did you choose it or did it choose you?

When I got out of college in ’91, we were in a recession.  Jobs were few and far between.  For several years I was a temp at NSP (Northern States Power) and living with my parents.  I realized that I needed to move to the Twin Cities (I was living with them in Lindstrom and commuting to White  Bear Lake and Newport) if I wanted to get a permanent position.  I was assigned to a temp position at Andersen Consulting in 1995.  I became permanent in 1996.  There followed several years of doing admin positions within the company including Human Resources.   I transferred to Houston, TX.  Within HR I saw people being hired at higher salaries than me into Consulting positions where they were billing clients and bringing in revenue.  I realized if I wanted to make a decent salary I’d need to make a change.  So I pushed, and prodded and eventually got hired into “the practice.”  They trained me in programming (which is not my forte) and I started working on client engagements.  I was promoted to Consultant and then laid off in 2002 during the big Technology crash.  I then took a position doing data management for PricewaterhouseCoopers.  I knew nothing about Accounting and was not qualified for that position.  But I was so frightened of being unemployed that I held on by my fingernails for over three years.  What I really wanted was to work from home (I hated getting up, getting dressed up, commuting, etc just to sit on my butt in a high-rise for hours on end) and that lack of interest was starting to show.  They fired me.  I deserved it.  Then I heard a rumor that Accenture (formerly Andersen Consulting) was looking for HR contractors and that the roles could be virtual.  I kept pushing and eventually got hired to my first contracting gig in November 2006.  I’ve worked virtually since that time.  As long as I have a high-speed internet connection, I can do my job from anywhere in the world (and have at times!)

3.  What did you need to do to get here? Did you go to school? If so, was your degree related to what you are doing? Did you do something like an internship or work your way up for years? Did you take advantage of things like Informational Interviewing with those in the field?

My degree is a BA in English Literature.  It’s in no way related to what I do.  My first big leap from an Admin position into a Professional position was simply a matter of working their established system.  They hadn’t really had anyone make that leap – I was a bit of a maverick.  But I had a college degree and I proved to them (by building a Lotus Notes database to track United Way contributions within the company) that I could do the job of a billable Consultant.  When I told them I wanted to interview for position as a beginning Analyst, they couldn’t find any reason not to let me go through the process.  The next leap from working in an office to being a virtual consultant was a combination of things.  I had done a lot of coursework at Landmark Education, a company that specializes in self-development and self-actualization.  Through that coursework, I was able to articulate my desires for work that I found interesting and in which I could thrive.  I realized that I’d been the most satisfied (and successful) when working in Human Resources and I also knew I wanted to work from home.  From that point it was a matter of inquiring – contacting my previous employer, participating in Accenture Alumni websites, contacting previous co-workers.  Being fired from PwC at the time I was turned out to be a huge blessing.  I now work a job from home making more money than I ever have before when working in an office.

4. What would you do if you weren't doing what you are? Would you do this out of necessity, because you happen to have the skill sets, or because it is your dream job?

I’m in a bit of a dilemma.  While I love the company that I work for and I do enjoy my work, I still don’t see myself as being totally “at home” in a corporate atmosphere.  I’d love to be able to support myself financially as a singer/host/performer.  Currently I perform hour-long shows in a virtual world called SecondLife.  While I make some money doing this, it’s nowhere near enough to support my lifestyle.  And I do really like my lifestyle! J  I’ve been looking at pursuing another degree but I can’t decide if I want it to be an MA in Human Resources or potentially a Music/Fine Arts degree.  It’s actually a pretty good problem to have as problems go, and I’m taking my time with it.  While I can see myself pursuing an HR career and being pretty good at it, that’s not my passion.  I love performing, I love making music and the creating in the moment that musicians do.  I don’t play any instruments, however, and I don’t know if I’d be any good at writing music.  I also toyed with doing voiceover work – most of the what I’ve discovered, though, is that it’s difficult to break into.  I’m still in the inquiry!

Performing on SecondLife while in Belgium.

5. If you could create a job description of what you are doing what would it be?

Human Resources specialist seeking staffing solutions for skilled individuals.  Virtual job with little-to-no travel working with great people and flexible work hours.

6. Tell me a little about previous jobs you've had and if you have a degree/schooling in something that isn't related to what you are doing now how did you make that jump?

I think I wrote too much about this in the earlier questions!  But here’s a synopsis:

Gas service designer for new residential homes – NSP – 3 years – temp

(moved to the Cities – temp work using admin skills from NSP got me)

Executive Assistant  - Andersen Consulting – 1 ½ years – temp to perm

(wanted to move to Texas – interviewed for and got HR Admin position )

HR Generalist – Andersen Consulting – 1 year – perm

(saw the salaries kids were making – wanted that money so interviewed)

Analyst/Consultant – Accenture (formerly Andersen Consulting) – 3 years – perm

(“workforce reduction” layoff in 2002 – data experience got me)

Senior Associate – PwC – 3 ½ years – perm

(Fired – rightfully so since I didn’t like my job and wasn’t qualified)

Professional Consultant – Comsys (Accenture) – 6 years and counting - contract

**That was my biggest leap.  And it was several things that combined – getting fired – seeking position in HR at Accenture (cause that’s where I felt I thrived the most) and then pushing to get a contract.

Kari and Deb. I sure miss those late nights sitting around the dining room table talking and laughing with these ladies. 

7.  If someone was interested in getting into your profession what words of advice would you give them?

Getting a basic 4 year degree is the quickest way to get hired at Accenture specifically.  And honestly, it’s what’s needed for most entry level positions with any large companies these days.  If you don’t have a degree but you have solid business experience in a firm, that works too.  I’d say to start inquiring into what positions are available.  Many people are afraid to ask questions or inquire, thinking they’ll put their current position in jeopardy.  Making a move requires a mindset of being willing to take risks.  Looking at the worst possible outcome and being able to accept that potential.  And also knowing that everything will work out – somehow, some way.  That’s the mindset that’s brought me this far.  That and a willingness to have conversations with people.  It’s amazing how much your life can alter simply through a conversation.  And have an intended outcome.  Keep identifying what you want (most people focus on what they don’t want) and keep seeking that in the world.  It WILL show up. 

Thank you Deb for sharing your story! I learned a lot and was inspired by your journey.

There was once a time in my life that I was doing some career soul searching. I had a number of people suggest that I should look into HR. I dismissed it because I didn't have a degree in it and wasn't looking to get another degree. Deb's story just shows that sometimes you don't have to have a degree in a particular area to be able to get your foot in the door and then some. Deb still worked hard, took classes, had a goal, and found opportunities that would match. It's not always easy getting where you want to go, but sometimes we build it up to be so big that we don't even try. 

Want to know more about this series? Click here. Want to participate? Email me: e.j.davis (at) comcast (dot) net.

September Photo a Day Week 1

September Photo a Day inspired by Fat Mum Slim

9/1

You, now

Yup, that's what I look like these days.

9/2

Father

To be honest I thought I would be taking a picture of my dad on this day, but he was out of town. Even so, getting a picture of my husband is pretty great (and not just because he hates being in pictures), but because he is an awesome father to our daughter. We got really lucky.

9/3

Far Away

Eden Prairie, MN isn't that far from our house, but it seems like it is since we never go there. We met up with my in-laws for breakfast this day and decided to try a different area than we usually go.

9/4

In my mailbox/postbox

Just a Netflix movie and a bill. I took a similar photo in April. I suppose I could have done something different, but it is what it is.

9/5

Bright

This was certainly a bright spot in my day. Eating dinner (tilapia with capers and a village salad) on the deck while my child played in the yard. Plus that cucumber came from my co-worker's dad's garden. Love fresh veggies from the garden and spending the last days of summer outdoors.

9/6

Every day

Well, we eat every day and I'm pretty sure Riley would eat rice and carrots every day so this seemed like an appropriate picture.

9/7

Natural

Just spent a little time outside taking pictures in natural lighting before bedtime. I love this time of day.

Our house, in the middle of the street

So based on all the pictures I post on this blog you probably have a pretty good feel of what my house looks like, but Navigating the Mothership is hosting a home tour... which is basically a bunch of bloggers showing off their houses. This is way too long because I decided to add in some before and after, but I couldn't seem to stop myself. As you will see this house is a work in progress.

So lets commence on touring the little red house that I call home.

Let's walk in the back door since that is the one we use all the time. As you can see there isn't much space for the three of us to enter and remove shoes. Since we're here let's head into the basement first. The basement is the first remodeling project we took on when we moved in.

Basement

My reading nook with a massage chair. My brother drew those pictures of my parents that hang on the wall from photos of them when they were 17. I made that ottoman and it opens up for storage.

This is how the basement looked before we moved in. Even if you remove the mess from the renter it still was a dated and dirty with paneled walls and a weird glass partition. 

The craft room aka play room aka boys game room. We finally installed the desk in the past week (big credit to my husband who pretty much did all the work). The desk was originally a 9 foot, solid (incredibly heavy) door. I love re-purposing. 

The craft room before. We opened up the doorway and installed french doors that were once used upstairs in our bedroom to get to the deck.

We pretty much gutted the basement, made sure it was insulated well, and then sheet-rocked, painted, carpeted, and so on to make it a comfortable living space. 

The bathroom is right behind me, laundry to my left and utility room to my right.

Obviously the bathroom is still a work in progress... and has been for sometime. Eventually we will tile the shower, and install a new sink. Some day.

My dad originally built this bathroom many moons ago (when he owned the house) with left over tile he had. I think he was pretty proud of his tile design, but for us it was time for it to go. 

This house does have a fair amount of storage which is great, but also seems to allow random crap to stay in our possession. Above is the laundry room and the door leads to shelving under the stairs.

Utility room

Laundry and utility room when we first moved in.

Ok, enough with the basement. Now let's head upstairs to the kitchen. I've documented a few posts about our kitchen remodel which seemed to take forever to complete. Feel free to read the updates here, here, here, and here.

Kitchen

If you took a look at some of the old picture linked above you will notice that we opened up the kitchen wall into the dining and living room which has made a huge difference. This house has plenty of space, but most rooms are pretty tiny so it can make it feel small.

Dining and Living Room

The living room has pretty much become the play room. We dream of one day getting it back and I even wrote a post asking for help with ideas, but I've come to accept that it's going to be a long time before things change in this room.

Our design ideas are a little different than the renters who lived here before we moved in, but we did like the wall colors so that was one thing we didn't need to change.

From the dining room you pass by the cabinet of old cameras and into the hall way. The bath is straight ahead with the office to the left, the guest bedroom to the right along with the stairs to the second floor.

Guest room

Our guest room isn't too fancy and sometimes becomes the catch all place for stuff that needs a temporary home. The one set of guests that we've ever had just moved to Luxembourg so it might not get used for guests very often in the near future, but at least Riley likes to play in here.

Guest room before.

Main floor bathroom

My biggest complaint about this house is the tiny bathrooms (and ugly at that), but I can't really complain because I do have 3 of them.

The same bathroom with me doing a little cleaning when I was about 1 - 2 years old. That's actually the same tile - just painted over. One day I dream of gutting all the baths and starting over.

Office

Yes, that is my toothbrush next to the printer. Our outlets in the bathroom are only charged when the lights are on so this is the closet place I can make sure it is getting charged all the time. Jesse's desk is in the back, mine in the front.

The office before. We not only painted, but refinished the floors.

Ok, let's head upstairs...

We did a lot of painting up here and had the floors refinished which really brightens up the place. Thanks to our family and friends who did a lot of the painting.

Before. Dark, and gloomy, and 1970's.

I used to play in this little area when I was a kid so it's fun to see Riley enjoy it as well. 

The bathroom up here is absolutely disgusting, but does have some interesting history to it along with the wood floor and the shelves in the hallway when you first get to the top of the stairs. My dad worked in the heating and air conditioning business for 40 plus years and many years ago he was working on a house in the western suburbs owned by the Hamm's Brewery family. They were doing a remodeling project where they were removing a number of items and some were given to my dad. My dad expanded this level of the house in the 60's and the sink, tub, shelves and floor have been around for some time even before they made it to our house. The tub and sink have to go (they can go hang out with the toilet we already removed), but at least we'll have that beautiful floor.

Our Bedroom

Red bedroom? Yes, some may think I am crazy for doing this. I've always been a fan of red, but this became especially helpful when I was having super bad migraines every single day. I often would jump into bed to sleep the pain away and would need my room to be as dark as possible. I (luckily) don't have to do that nearly as much as I used to so I actually might paint the room blue instead. The only thing holding me back is that I want to find a comforter/duvet cover that I like to work around... and that has been a difficult journey. This quilt has been our summer bed covering and was made by my birth grandma Val. The door to the left leads to a deck. It's pretty awesome (even if the door itself is rather ugly).

You may have noticed that our bedroom has two doors. Apparently, my dad had once planned to turn this into two rooms and am so grateful that he didn't. The renters who lived here before used this room as their living room and took the doors off as they just got in the way. We've kept it that way and like it, but as Riley gets older I imagine we might want to reclaim some privacy especially since her bedroom is right across the hallway.

Before.

Outside

The deck off of our bedroom is awesome and yet not used nearly enough. We hope to one day put in french or sliding doors to make it feel like it's part of the bedroom. I'd also like to build an arbor or some sort of shading device so we can utilize it during more parts of the day. This furniture is pretty much ruined from sitting out in the hot sun all day. The cats actually use the deck more than we do.

View of the front yard from the deck.

View of the back yard from the deck. Anyone looking for a glass table and 4 chairs? It's time for me to get rid of them.

Riley's bedroom

I had originally envisioned a different room for Riley, but I never did find curtain fabric I liked with the colors I wanted (red, brown, blue, cream). Instead grandma and grandpa gave Riley a green monkey (which is actually in the living room right now) that inspired the lamp and the curtains.

My dad made the bookshelf to the right many years ago. Since he no longer needed it he gave it to us to house many of Riley's books. The shadowboxes on the wall hold some of our favorite outfits from when Riley was a baby. Jesse had a hard time parting with some of them so I put these together for him.

We went with the dark wood because it matched the built in shelf and the closet door, but if I had to do over I would have gone with white to brighten up the room. The ceilings are pretty low on this level so it makes it feel even smaller than it is.

This kid has so many clothes - mostly hand me downs from a high school friend of mine (who has three daughters and a son). Her dresser is crammed full and now, with a recent drop off of clothes from my friend, the clothes are also piled on the floor. I wish I had that problem with my clothes.

Before. Sometimes I wish I would have kept the room this color. I loved it, but was looking for a change. I originally painted this room this color years ago when I rented the house from my dad and this was my office at that time.

Hi there. Not sure if your still reading this as I made this obnoxiously long. But if anything, it's a nice capture for me to keep track of how the house looks at this particular time. Hopefully, I'll be documenting new bathrooms or other updates in the not too distant future. Thanks for stopping by.