Happy 3rd Birthday Riley!

Dear Riley,

Wow, what a difference 2 and 3 make. I know you have been 2 years old this entire past year, but so much has changed from your birthday last year: your language skills, your confidence, your ability to follow directions (when you want to). It is amazing to see you develop. You are like a little sponge - just taking everything in.

You are starting to say more and more things accurately which I am a little sad to see. Of course, I want your language skills to develop, but I love how you used to call an elephant "empaty" and how when you want someone to sit next to you you will say "sit for me". So demanding! Or when you want to be carried you ask if you can "carry you". By the way, you are getting a little big for that one... but I will miss that too.

Your love of food has narrowed. What happened? You used to love eating vegetables and now it seems to be an ongoing struggle. I feel like we have fallen into only offering you a few items because we know that you will eat it. This, we need to stop. You love tortilla's or "tor-ti-RA's" as you call them, and rice most of all. A carb girl, I see. I have that problem too these days.

Speaking of food, you even have your first chore of feeding the cat. Of course, you only do so when it pleases you, but when you are amenable to it you do it with gusto. You also love to help me cook and whenever you think I am cooking without you I hear you start yelling "chair, I want a chair!" so you can assist me at the kitchen counter.

You are still so spirited which sometimes baffles me since your dad and I are so mellow, but other times I see a timidness in you that reminds me you are my little girl. I love the cuddles I get during these times, but I want to make sure that you feel confident enough to try new things. I don't want that timidness to hold you back.

You sure love your grandparents and light up when they are around. In fact, you are generally happy around all people and although sometimes you are shy, other times you talk non stop. You seem to love daycare which comforts me since you spend so much time there. I love when I drop you off on Tuesdays and all the kids there yell out your name in excitement.

You are still blonder than blond and look so much like your daddy, but you do have my body and sometimes... sometimes I can see a touch of my nose in you. As far as that body? Be grateful for it, but know that you might struggle finding shirts that are long enough and pants that will stay up. Oh wait, we already struggle with this for you. Trust me when I say I know your pain, girl.

You still love the alphabet, singing, the outdoors, books, and to my chagrin... TV. You are in music class again this year and have embraced it even more than last year. I love how your face lights up while we are there. You love to play and you've gotten more and more into imaginative play. Just last week we went to the lake, the grocery store and the crocodile store in a matter of 10 minutes and all without leaving the house.

You are such a goof and love to do funny things like 'silly face'. You probably get that more from your daddy than me. It's one of the things I love about him and certainly love about you. Your silly face cracks me up every time.

It's been a pretty amazing year. I can't wait to see what the next year brings. And anytime you want to go to the crocodile store? I'm there.

Love you with all my heart,

Mommy

Fitness and Health: The Background

I've always been on the thin side. I recognize I am lucky like that. I've never really had to worry about weight, but there came a time when I started to worry about fitness and then my health. And I didn't really know how to move forward with that.

No one worked out in my family when I was young. They worked. They mowed the lawn, cut wood and hauled it into the house, they cleaned... they were often moving. We generally ate well balanced meals (protein, carbs, veggies), but no one taught me to cook or talked about the importance of eating a balanced meal.

So when I was 24 and noticed that I put on an extra 5 pounds I started thinking I should probably do something about it. I know - it was only 5 pounds, but I realized it had been a few pounds a year for several years. I was still skinny. I was still referred to as 'toothpick' from time to time, but I started thinking that I needed to take care of myself better. I started to think that if I kept blowing off the idea that a few pounds a year wasn't a big deal, I would find myself 10 years down the line in a spot I didn't like. I needed to be more mindful of my body. I just didn't know exactly what to do or how hard I really wanted to work at it.

My nephew and I celebrating our b-days. My 24th, his 23rd.  PS. I am so hungover here.

I was a runner when I was in grade school and junior high. In fact, I reluctantly joined the track team in 7th grade and, apparently to revolt, I only ran baton races (and earned the cheesy nickname "baton beauty"). So at age 24 I looked back at those running days and thought "I'll start running again". Ha! A lot changes in your body over 10 years and I found myself struggling to run around the block. So I picked up some hand weights and a jump rope and started slow. I wasn't as devoted as I would have liked to have been, but I was doing something. Sometimes.

Over the next few years I found myself going back and forth between working out (always at home) and putting exercise to the side. I started to cook a little bit more, but my range of recipes was quite limited. I attempted to eat more veggies which I always liked, but they became low priority once out on my own. And I should probably apologize to my former room mates when I decided to eat veggies like no tomorrow. Let's just say there is a thing as too much vegetables and you don't want to be in the same room when that happens.

Many of my friends were like me. I had friends who signed up for gym memberships, went once, and then never went again. I started dating a guy who was also thin, but was active for his job at the time. Once he quit that job, all the dinners out and accompanying beers caught up to him and to me. For the first time in my life I was eating my entire meal and adding additional calories with multiple drinks.

So, I stepped back to my old eating habits: 

1. Eat until I wasn't hungry anymore. Not full, just not craving anymore food. 
2. Eat slow and deliberately. Slowing down allows our stomach and brain to get in the same spot. Ever eat so fast before you know it you feel stuffed? Plus it was better on my wacky digestive system. 
3. Eat many times a day. Typically, this would be three meals and a couple snacks, but could vary.
4. Eat good for me food, but don't deprive myself from eating the not so healthy stuff.

I continued to make some sort of an effort to take better care of myself, but I have to admit it was hard when I was in a relationship with someone who didn't have health as a priority. For a variety of reasons our relationship came to an end and as it did my health efforts stepped up. Ok, so it really started at the very end of our relationship when I found myself going for long walks every evening just so I could be alone. But those walks continued and I cut out beer and soda (I lost 5 pounds fast once I got rid of pop). I joined a small gym and continued to feel better. It wasn't about losing any weight at this point (in fact I needed to gain some after losing 6 pounds in one day - thank you horrific stomach flu). It was about feeling good. It was about having some strength. Plus, I had some other health issues (such as back problems) and I knew that I needed to make my body stronger and more limber for that.

About a year after my relationship ended I met a new guy - my now husband, Jesse. Turns out he used to be a personal trainer and health was very much a priority to him. He worked out, he ate well, and he didn't drink much. We eventually joined a gym together and over time belonged to a couple smaller gyms that we could walk to from our home. He offered helpful advice and made sure my technique was spot on, but never really acted like a trainer. And I appreciated that. He was also just the motivation I needed to stay on track. 

When we moved just over 4 years ago we cancelled our gym membership and planned to find something new near our new house once all settled down. We were remodeling, and then getting married, and then I got pregnant and had issues that forbid me from working out for at least half of my pregnancy. The other half? I just didn't have it in me. 

Then we had a colicky kid. Then we were working full time with a baby... and then toddler. And then one day we both woke up and just couldn't take it anymore. I had been telling myself that I was getting a workout chasing after a kid. Right? Ugh, but I didn't feel that way. I felt weak. I felt like my muscles were starting to atrophy. Gah! We needed to do something about this. Stat! It had been almost 4 years since I belonged to a gym and even though I took walks and was semi active, it just wasn't enough. 

My husband acted first by heading over to the 'big' gym by his work and signing up. It was spendy, but it was close to his work and our home and it provided child care. I was hesitant to join the big gym (I'm cheap, what can I say - and might have been intimidated), but I knew something needed to be done. I sit in a cubicle all day - my options for movement for a big part of my day is limited.

So we started working out and it's going well! I even asked my husband to create a workout schedule for me which I will share in a future post. Yes, there are so many bonuses to being married to Jesse and this is one of them. And my health? It's not only important for me to address these issues and care for them, but to pass on healthy living skills to my kid so she can carry them forward for herself and her children.

Happy Dryer Day, er... Birthday to me.

Boy what a difference a year makes in your birthday expectations. Last year I was turning the BIG 40 so it felt like it should be special, but this year? 41? I couldn't have cared less. Being sick played a role in that, but even if I wasn't sick I would have wanted a low key celebration. And how they heck did I get so old? Wasn't I just 24?

My birthday this year landed on a Saturday so I knew we'd be going to Riley's music class in the morning, filling the day with typical weekend stuff, and then finishing it off with a night out at dinner while Riley stayed over at grandma and grandpa's house. But a cold got me good and even though I was on the upswing Riley took a turn for the worse with a fever. We cancelled with the grandparents, Riley and I napped, I found my gift in the dryer, and we got take out for dinner. Simple, low key and fantastic.

I knew Jesse would get me a gift, but thought of telling him not to after the doozy of a gift I got last year (hello iPad). I seriously would have been fine with going out to dinner because not having to make a meal is worth so much to me. But Jesse did get me a gift and I unintentionally told him what to get me the Tuesday before my big day.  It's the day I went in to get my driver's license renewed (and had one of my least favorite driver's license pictures taken - at least it's not as bad as I imagined it). My DMV is located within AAA so after renewing my license I decided to take a peak in the AAA store. I've been looking to upgrade my Sherpani purse. I love it, but I just need a little more space (I'm a mom, ya know) and want something durable, but a little more professional looking. And there I saw a hobo Baggallini that was perfect. Except for the price. I told my husband about it - not thinking that I was suggesting he get it for my birthday - but because he always seems to find a better deal online. He didn't, but he still got me the bag. He put it in the dryer which shouldn't be a surprise since he had put every gift of mine in the dryer since I did it one time when we were dating. He even proposed to me via the dryer.

Check out that up and down lighting on the ring.

At any rate, I should have been thinking that I would receive a gift in the dryer at some point that day, but instead I absentmindedly put a bunch of wet clothes in the dryer and was about to start it when Jesse abruptly stopped me. I have no idea if he had a better set up for presenting it to me, and if so I ruined it, but yay! I got a new purse.

Tuesday was also the day I got sick. I went to work Wednesday, but left slightly early and then stayed home Thursday and Friday making it a 4 day birthday weekend. I usually hate being sick and hate having to use paid time off, but I have to admit that I loved it. Sure I felt like crap, but I got to sleep a lot and watch TV (finished season 3 of Parenthood - oh how can you make me tear up so much!),  I got to hang with my family, and didn't have to deal with the stress of work. One of the few times I will say getting sick was so worth it. It was a perfect birthday.

Fashion help

I'm constantly complaining about my wardrobe. I don't like most of my clothes -  either because they don't fit right, aren't as fashionable as I'd like, are old and worn out, or aren't magically ironed by themselves. I joke that I need to be turned into What Not to Wear (do I have to start wearing renaissance attire, or what, for this to happen?), but I'm not really joking. 

I know my outfits aren't that bad and it's probably mostly the fit and ironing that get to me. Because of my pain issues, I am also super sensitive to touch which includes the type of fabric I'm wearing and the fit of clothes. Oh, the darn fit of clothes!!! Between my super long torso and my odd hip to waist ratio I feel like I can never find clothes that fit right. Oh, and regular pants are too long, but short/petite ones are just short enough to look odd. Apparently, I need to start making my own clothes. 

And the ironing, yeah... that's probably not going to change. I may be doomed to a life in polyester.

I've been following Liberating Working Moms for some time and they have a series on Working with Style so I was inspired to track what I wear in a normal work week. I ended up taking a Friday off to burn some PTO I had (this was before the end of the year), but ended up wearing something that I probably would have worn to work that day anyway. 

In the end I wasn't sure what documenting my attire would bring me, but I now know that my current go-to colors (besides black and brown) are blue and dark pink, that I still don't like my clothes, that I thought I looked better than these pictures attest to, that I am doomed to ever finding a brown work appropriate shoe, and that it's hard to get a full body self portrait.

Monday

~ Sweater from Target.

~ Shirt from Ragstock. After purchasing it I discovered why this new shirt was only 5 bucks - arms too long, tight in the bicep area, but so loose in the forearm area. So cheaply made. Sometimes you really do get what you pay for.

~ Pants are used from Second Debut . They are comfy, but stretch throughout the day and are slightly too short like most of my pants (see above comment about regular vs short/petite pants). I often go for the slightly too short as I'm too lazy to take my clothes to get tailored.

~ Shoes from DSW which I returned because they didn't fit right. I just can't seem to find a pair of brown shoes that would be work/casual appropriate that I like.

Tuesday

~ Long sleeved black shirt from Kohl's

~Sweater from J.C. Penny's - the one that's closed down in Brookdale mall. What was that - 10 years ago?

~ Scarf from Land's End at Sears. Love that it's super soft and not itchy - it feels like cashmere at first touch without the scratchiness  (yes, cashmere scratches me), but I did end up with blue specs all over my black shirt.

~Pants from Target and are very much over 10 years old. They are comfortable and fit fairly well, but are quite grayed from the years of used. I liked these pants so much that I used to have multiple pairs of them. These are the last to survive. When you have a difficult time finding things that fit you sometimes buy many of them. 

~Shoes from DSW. These are new and super comfy. Initially, I felt like I was back in the '90's wearing big clunky clown shoes, but they look so much better than the beat up shoes I was wearing.

Wednesday

~Shirt - probably from Target. Super thin and always wrinkly looking.

~Sweater was a gift, but I think it's from Charming Charlies along with the necklace. The sweater has a touch of wool (or something that bothers my skin) in it so I have to wear something under it so it doesn't touch my skin. I typically am not a pink and purple combo kind of girl and wouldn't have bought this necklace on my own, but I actually quite like it. I'm not really good at accessorizing and usually stick with the same few pieces of jewelry.

~Pants from Goodwill. As far as pants go I generally like these although, like most of my pants, I wish these were a tad longer, the hips wider, and the waist smaller. 

~Shoes from DSW.

Thursday

~Sweater is from New York and Company, but I actually got it at Goodwill. I love Goodwill for scores like this. This is also one of my favorite outfits as it is comfortable. That is probably my most important request in clothing.

~Scarf from Kohls. This scarf pretty much gets worn every single day. It's usually cold in my office so I try to keep warm by adding this scarf or a fleece sweater. There are some days it's pointless to pick out an outfit as I wear a zipped-up fleece all day long.

~Leggings from Target. I had a decent pair of leggings that I ruined by wearing them through my pregnancy. I then tried to find a new pair, but found it to be an incredible challenge. I bought these when I shouldn't have as they did not fit right at all in the waist. They were fine everywhere else, but I ended up using a book clip to keep the waist tight. I know, right? Either they've shrunk or my waist has gotten bigger, because the gap doesn't bother me nearly as much anymore.

~Boots from DSW. I love these boots, but I almost returned them because they made our house smell like there was an oil spill for quite some time after I bought them. I even kept them out in the garage for while to help with the smell. Glad I kept them because the smell is gone and I get a fair amount of compliments on them. 

Friday

~Shirt from Kohls. I ended up changing shortly after this because of how wrinkly this shirt is. No it's not supposed to look like crushed velvet. The shirt I changed into was also red which is another color that I tend to wear a lot of.

~Sweater is same from above from a closed down J.C. Penny's.

~Jeans from Old Navy. I like the length of these jeans and they are super soft, but the waist is HUGE. I have two Old Navy jeans like this so I am guessing they think all women's waists are larger than their hips. Thank God for belts (and thanks to Erin who suggested the Dapper Snapper for my kid. I got one for her and myself - I love it! No more bulging belt buckle.)

So there you have it - my lame work look. I didn't include my weekend, because, let's face it, I wear yoga pants or my jammies as much as I can. If I could just professionalize those looks I would be set!

One of my issues is shopping. I rarely have time to do it on my own with out dragging around a toddler and I haven't had much luck with online shopping. I was even thinking about hiring a personal shopper, but didn't want to spend the cash on that (let alone spend it on clothes). Although, I read that some thrift stores are providing this service for free since middle aged women in my income bracket have become their biggest shoppers. It's still on my mind, but I haven't taken any action on it yet...

And style? I mean, if you look at my Pinterest boards you might say that I can identify stylish clothing - it's just the trying things on and having them fit correctly and comfortably that get me. And in the end I give up. I may or may not come home with some new item to wear, but I haven't bought anything I really loved in a long, long time.

Does anyone else struggle with finding clothes that they like/are comfortable? Has anyone used a personal shopper? If so, what was your experience? And most importantly, how can I get away with wearing yoga pants everyday?

Day in the Life - Winter 2013

With prompting from Navigating the Mothership I present A Day in the Life for winter 2013.
Saturday, January 19th, 2013
Riley - 2 years, 11+ months

I totally planned on documenting my Day in the Life on Thursday, but didn't remember until 8:30 at night. It's a shame since I had this super weird dream that morning in which I uttered "thanks for the crotch hug". People are right when they say context means everything. Instead you will have to hear about my Saturday morning dream. When I woke at 4:04 I recalled a dream that I thought I would remember for sure since I couldn't get it out of my head as I tried to go back to sleep, but no matter how hard I try to remember it's gone.

However, I did fall back to sleep and had a dream that I should have taken a picture of Jesse for my day in the life when I was just awake. Apparently, I totally thought I was still awake or something. In my dream Jesse and Riley were in bed with me, but when I looked over at him he had a nuk in his mouth and was holding a baby doll. I totally had to take a picture of that! But by the time I grabbed my camera he was sitting up playing with Riley and the baby and nuk were gone. I was so bummed that I didn't capture that moment and that's all I remember of the dream. (I'm sure he'll be delighted to know I shared that dream with the internets.) I then woke up after what felt like 5 minutes of sleep to find out it was 5:43 - way to early to wake up, but almost two hours later.

I tried to fall back to sleep, and I'm pretty sure my body would have if my brain let it. So I 'rested' until I heard Riley making noises across the hall. I went in to get her and decided that she could watch some cartoons in my bed with the hope that I could get some more rest. Jesse fell asleep downstairs so it was just us girls hanging out in bed (including Lucy the cat).

I didn't actually rest as I had anticipated because Mr. Roger's Neighborhood was on and I got to see how fortune cookies are made and I got to see Eric Carle create some of his characteristic art for his children's books. It was actually really interesting stuff. (Update: Saturday night I had a dream that I was at an event where they served fortune cookies. They must have been defective because mine looked like it had been flattened on one side before it totally hardened up and one looked burnt, but I was able to grab a good one that I planned to bring home to Riley.)

Riley and I headed downstairs to eat some breakfast and to harass Jesse. That second part wasn't intended, but it was a little challenging keeping Riley from making noise and waking him up. I don't think he was too pleased, but, you know, he's a dad and he understands what comes with that role.

Riley helped feed Lucy while I got our breakfasts together. Lucy is a tad fat so some time ago we decided she would work for her food. We'd throw one nugget of food and she'd run for it. We've been lazy about doing it (and it shows on her). I had Riley do it one day to keep her preoccupied and now she wants to do it all the time.

Besides making and eating breakfast I cleaned up around the house and did laundry. We started music classes again so I wanted to get the house in better order before we left for that. Plus, we had a pretty full day scheduled.

I've been having some huge dry eye issues for 4 or 5 months now. I'm working with my doctor on different treatments which have all included eye drops. In a couple weeks he's going to put in these plugs that are supposed to help keep my tears on the eye. I hope it works, but I also read that omega 3's are good for this as well. I emailed Jesse about it on Thursday and he ordered me some supplements right away. Let's see if they work.

By 8:00 am we were rushing to get ready and leave by 8:30. It seems like it would be more than enough time, but it's amazing how long everything takes to do. But we did make it out the door on time to music class.

The only way I could get her to stand still for the picture was to tell her to stand by the frog... then she kept wanting to stand by the frog. And all through the day she repeatedly told people that she had on a "cute shirt". Not sure if that was something I said to her and she was just copying it or if she really thought that herself.

We took a music class with the same company last year and while Riley enjoyed it she was always the wild one in the room. All the other kids sat complacently in their parents laps while Riley ran around the room (often not listening to directions). This time Jesse was a little more excited for her to take this class than I was (partly because I don't want to be seen as the parent who can't control their kid). But this year she has totally embraced the class and is so engaged. Sure, she doesn't always listen, but I am ok with that. That's normal. Plus, we think the teacher this time likes Riley's spiritedness (is that a word?). I neglected to take any pictures in the class, but  scarves, sticks, a parachute, crafts, music, dancing... all occurred within 40 minutes. Loads of fun. Riley even got some "jingle bells" as she calls them to take home with her. She was pretty darn excited.

The day before I had suggested we head right to the gym after music class even though I had to be at a baby shower at 1:00 pm... which was an hour and a half away. So glad Jesse talked me out of that because I barely had enough time when we got home to wrap the gifts, feed Riley and myself, do some more laundry, and take a shower. I only left about 20 minutes late, but figured I would be fashionably late.

This is me attempting to wear mascara. It's one of the few times I've done so in months due to my dry eyes. I'm putting in about 6 eye drops a day so makeup just seems like a pain. Putting the mascara on was like doing it for the first time - I had my lashes all clumped together and mascara all over my lids. Luckily, I was able to clean up enough to make myself presentable.

While I was attempting to make myself presentable Riley got into one of my drawers and found these back up glasses. I ordered them online for $25 just in case they were ever needed. It's a good thing I never needed them because the prescription wasn't quite right. Also, once I got them I thought they were ugly, but Riley looks great in them. I'm a little jealous.

Shortly after noon we headed down towards Albert Lea, MN for my birth sister-in-law's baby shower. Yes, that's sort of a mouth full. Tara is married to Derek who is my birth brother and the shower was at my birth sister, Lindsey's, house. (I was adopted and found my birth family years later). It was a fairly nice morning with clear roads, sunny skies, and a decent temperature of 41 degrees. The only downfall was that it was a bit windy so I was on high alert the entire drive down.

I was also hoping that Riley would sleep in the car since the baby shower was right during her nap time, but I made the mistake of telling her she could have the iPad in the car... and there was no sleeping with that.

Southern MN has way less snow than we do.

We showed up about 20 minutes late, but these ladies were on top of things and already started the games. I was ok with this since I'm not a huge fan of games anyway, but it turned out I was a winner in the first game I played.

I did not win this game

We got a little surprise when my birth dad, Leo, showed up. I don't get to see him (or any of my birth family) very much so it was nice to get to chat for a bit.

There were a few other kids there... and books and balloons so Riley had a good time as well. 

Lindsey, Riley and me, of course.

Some last minute primping before we left

We headed home just before 4:00 pm and I was overly optimistic that Riley would fall asleep in the car. I forgot to bring her comfort sleeping items so she just whined for the iPad... and I gave in. 

Oh, Minnesota and your large sculptures of everything.

I stopped to get gas before I got on the highway and it was apparent that the temperature dropped and the wind picked up. The car said the outside temp was 31, but it felt far colder than that. I just hoped that my ride home wouldn't be a white knuckler with the force of the wind, but it sort of was. Let's just say I was grateful when we got home and got in the door. It was cold out and is only supposed to get even colder over the next couple days. Like, don't leave the house cold.

It was about 5:30 and I know both Riley and I were hungry (plus she was getting sleep deprived crabby). I opened the fridge and freezer and made a note that I might have to go out in the cold the next day after all as we really need groceries. Jesse's mom had brought him a party pizza (to remind him of when he was 15 apparently, and me too - didn't we all eat those things when we were teens?) which has been sitting in the freezer so I decided to pop that in the oven. Moments later Jesse walked in the door. He spent the afternoon with his buddy, Tom, playing a board game. There is a game store in Roseville where you can also go and hang out to play games. I don't totally get it, but I don't have to - as long as Jesse gets to see his friends and has fun.

We decided to throw together some other food for Riley so she didn't have to wait for the pizza to cook. And we popped in the movie "Brave" which I just won at work the day before. Eventually, we all sat down to eat with completely different meals. But at least we ate together.

After dinner Jesse gave Riley a bath while I finished putting the laundry away. I then read a bunch of books to sleepy head and put her down about 7:20 - 10 minutes early. It's not much, but she didn't make a peep after going down.

After Riley went to sleep, I finally sat down in front of the computer to write this post and organize all the photos I took during the day. After about an hour I determined I should really eat some veggies after eating  pizza for dinner so I made myself a small village salad.

Doh! Realized a day later when looking at this picture that I forgot the feta!

Seat stealer

At a quarter to 10 the cats start bugging me for food and I realized that I was starving. I don't like eating that late, but there was no way I would make it through the night. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, typed up some more of this post and eventually made my way to the basement to say goodnight to my husband who had been watching West Wing all night. It's 10:30, which is about a half hour after I usually go to bed, and Jesse is asleep on the couch. Some natural disaster show is on and it's talking about the great flood in East Grand Forks in the 90's. I get sucked in, but finally pull myself away at 10:45 and crawl upstairs to zonk out in bed.