One of my goals this year is to get in front of the camera more. The plan is really to get in the picture with my family, but I also want to figure out how to be my own model. I know for a lot of people this type of project is so they feel more comfortable with having pictures taken of themselves and I have to admit that's not really a driving force for me here. I've always been cool with the camera, whether I am in front or behind it... even when I don't look my best.
For me, a picture is about embracing a moment. Sure, there are a few pictures I've sort of hidden away, but those are mostly because my underwear is showing - something is exposed. For the most part, I've been able to embrace awkward photos and the ones that are far from flattering. They are me. They are real.
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| Case in point. Circa 2009. I love this pic - it makes me laugh, but let's face it, I am far from pretty here. |
And so a large part of this self portrait project is in regards to camera technicality (I want to learn more about taking pictures and not always use my daughter as my model), but also about self assurance. Part of my job as a mom is to teach my daughter about confidence in her self, how to laugh at herself, and how to reflect on a moment and enjoy it for what it was... a good time with friends, a team sporting event, what ever it was and not how her hair looks, or the size of her hips, or that she's got one eye closed and her tongue out.
I recognize that taking pictures of myself alone is not the end all in projecting this message to my daughter. There are many small things I say and do every day that will impact her beliefs and the way she feels and thinks about herself. The way I react to situations, the way I interact with others, how I fight against a world that seems so dead set on creating value from image... this is what I do. I am her mom and she deserves to recognize her true value, awkward pictures and all.
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