May Photo a Day Week 2

Photo a Day inspired by Fat Mum Slim

5/8

A smell that you adore


I actually hates smells. That's right. Hate. For someone with chronic migraines, smells can be a huge trigger for a headache. I equate them with misery. I actually tried to take a picture that would embrace the clean smells of nothing, but that, I realized, is pretty difficult to capture. Hating smells wasn't always true for me and I can't deny that some smells, like the smell of lilacs, have fond memories attached to them.

5/9

Something you do every day


This day couldn't have been farther from the norm as it was the day my mom passed away unexpectedly. It was a rough day, but I took this picture as a last minute afterthought as I was getting ready for bed. On normal days I come home from work and throw on my jammie jams once I know I am settled in the house for the night. The quest for comfort is something I strive for everyday. 

5/10

A favorite word


Daycare put together these little gems for all the mommies. I wouldn't say I normally have a favorite word, but every word on this bucket is rather special to me. 

5/11

Kitchen


I could have shown a picture of the whole kitchen, but you may have seen it here as we recently remodeled it. Above is the second pot rack I made (the first one is in my last house) out of plumbing supplies.

5/12

Something that makes you happy


Plain and simple this kid makes me super happy. She's funny, loving, smart... of course, lest you think she's a complete angel, she still acts like a normal 2 year old. I was especially happy that she was willing to wear her new bike helmet this day. Plus she was pretty awesome all day long.

5/13

Mum


I debated about this picture prompt for quite some time. This day we went to brunch with my mother in law and then spent the afternoon with my dad and siblings. To make this more complicated I actually have three moms. My mom, Ruth, otherwise known as the mom that adopted me, passed away 17 years ago. Ann, who I've referred to as my mom for some time, but is technically my step mom, passed away last week. And Linda, my birthmom, who I don't see that often, but is certainly a part of my life. For some reasons it didn't feel appropriate to post any of their pictures today. Nor did I want to post a picture of myself either. So I'm leaving it blank.

5/14

Grass


Obviously, this week has been difficult with losing my mom so I am a little surprised that I took a picture each day. Originally, for this one, I stepped out the back door and took a picture of my feet in the grass, and then one of the grass from my standing up viewpoint. I was about to walk in the house but realized I had it in me enough to get a much better picture of the grass (at least here you can't tell how many dandelions we have). I headed back out and laid on my belly for a much more interesting perspective. 


See May Photo a Day week 1 and 3.

Grandma Ann

Dear Riley,

I'm not sure how well you'll understand this being as young as you are, but your grandma Ann passed away on Wednesday at the age of 84. She had a massive heart attack Tuesday night and the doctors didn't expect her to live more than a few minutes. She lasted another 14 hours or so. She was a fighter like that though. Of course, the heart attack was a shock as we thought she was in pretty good physical health... besides having Alzheimer's Disease. She hadn't been herself for a couple days, but it seemed like she might be getting better Tuesday evening. Unfortunately, that wasn't true.

In the hours after the heart attack and leading up to her passing she seemed to sleep peacefully, something she often did anyway. As you know, grandma's not much of a talker, but she wasn't always that way. I know your memories of grandma are of walking with her and papa Frank around her memory care facility... Of watching her fall asleep in her chair... Of watching her diligently, if slowly, eat her food... Of hearing her talk occasionally, but not being able to make out anything she says.

No, grandma wasn't always this way. She was a spirited woman. She loved playing games (Kismet, puzzles, Royal Rummy...) and sports. When she was younger she played softball and bowled on up to three leagues at a time when she was older. She loved to watch the MN Vikings and was so excited when she got to meet  Kirby Puckett and Kent Hrbeck at a MN Twins event. She loved Little House on the Prairie and wished direly that she could have gone to Michael Landon's funeral. She had many collections... one of which was cows as you've been witness to. She was many things that you never got to see.

There was a time when your grandma was a very different person. She talked loudly and animatedly. She was 100% Italian - Sicilian. She was one of 9 kids and went on to have 8 of her own - your aunts and uncles. And I know I call her my mom, but technically she's my step-mom. It's been so long since I referred to anyone from that side of the family as 'step'. They are our family.

But grandma also used to be really mean to your mom. Growing up with grandma was very hard and I will forever be impacted by it. Your grandma used to take a lot out on me and on your papa. She struggled with a mental illness which caused her to be paranoid, jealous, and unpredictable. She often accused me of things that were pretty outrageous. And she tried so hard to break the bond I had with my dad, your papa. No child should be treated that way. Your papa tried to help her, but he also supported me. He was my rock and the stability I needed to get through that time.

I moved out right after high school and things got better. I no longer was a daily reminder to her, but that didn't mean things were 100% better. We still had a tumultuous relationship for many years. Then about 15 years ago she started calling me every morning demanding that I return one item or another that she thought I took from her. Something was wrong. Something similar, but different from the past. Papa noticed it too and thought it was some sort of dementia. And it was. Over the past 15 or so years we have ridden the waves of Alzheimer's. You slowly see a person fade away only to see hints of the person they once were. It's heartbreaking, but I was relieved to see her softer side come out.

As sad as Alzheimer's is it turned out to be a good thing for our relationship. It was as if she forgot how much she didn't like me. She smiled at me genuinely. She laughed. She stopped saying mean things. She held my hand. And in a strange way we grew in a good direction. I would have never wished Alzheimer's on her, but it allowed some peace in our relationship.

I'll admit that her death stirs up some of those old feelings. Things that I would rather leave buried and forgotten. Regardless, I am greatly saddened that she is gone. Her quality of life wasn't what it once was, but I think she was happy and we were happy to have her here with us. She's been a part of my life for 33 years so it's hard to believe that I won't be able to take you down to see her this weekend as we often do. It's hard to believe that she is gone. It's like I've gotten to the end of the book, but I'm not ready for the story to be over. Sure, we'll have our memories, but it's not the same as having the story keep moving forward.

Yesterday you pointed to a picture of grandma and said "grandma" and I thought "how am I going to explain this to you? Will you notice that we no longer go to see her? Will you ask about her?" I hope you do, but I have no idea how I will respond. I know it is unlikely that you will really remember much about your grandma when you get older, but I at least hope that you remember how happy you were to go see her.

Papa's going to need a lot of our support so I need your help on this one. He spent a lot of time caring for grandma. He was her biggest advocate and the reason she did so well up until the end. He's going to need a new walking partner so I hope you are up to the challenge. Plus he'll benefit from your hugs and kisses.

I know I don't have the same struggles that grandma did, but I don't want to ever let you down and make you feel less than. You, kid, are my life and I want to give you the world. I want you to feel like you deserve good things... that you are worthy of them. I know I won't be perfect, but I promise to be a good mom and to love you with all my heart.

Love you,

Mommy

May Photo a Day - Week 1

Photo a Day inspired by Fat Mum Slim

5/1

Peace

This was my late day for work so I got to hang out with Riley in the morning. Unfortunately, she was anything but peaceful. Whiny. Fussy. Ugh. It got old fast so we headed outdoors which usually cheers her up... and it did, thankfully. She told me these flowers were hearts (indeed they are, sweetie). And then she proceeded to rip the flowers off the plant. Oh, kids.

5/2

Skyline

My hope was to get a picture of the downtown skyline, but I felt like crap all day with a migraine. Enough so that I left work early. This was a last minute attempt to capture the skyline from home while also trying to get the kid to bed.

5/3

Something you wore today

Riley. 2.9.10. A friend of mine knows a woman who makes these necklaces for a very reasonable price and then donates part of it for breast cancer. I was only expecting one trinket (is that what you call it?), but she gave me two. I wear it everyday and find comfort in holding on to it.

5/4

Fun!

Wow. This seemed like a super difficult challenge this day since it's the day my dad got his pacemaker. I spent the morning at the hospital, the afternoon at home, and made a quick visit back to the hospital. While at home I was able to capture this moment where Riley essentially wiped ketchup all over her face. Fun! I guess.

5/5

Bird

So I heard a lot of birds this day, but never actually saw one. I spent the morning with my dad and it was raining by the time I got home so I wasn't really able to wander the neighborhood looking for birds. I wandered into the basement and captured a picture of this lamp Jesse and I got a few years ago at a super discount. I'm assuming a lot of people would find this creepy, but we thought it was really cool.

5/6

You

Yup, that's me sans glasses.

5/7

Someone that inspires you

This kid inspires me more than I can put words to. She inspires me to be a better mom, wife, friend, and daughter. She is so impressionable at her age and is like a sponge sucking up everything she sees so it feels so important that I don't let her down... and I hope that both her dad and I inspire her as she grows.

See May Photo a Day Week 2 and 3. 

Pacemaker

A few months ago my dad was out on one of his daily walks when he said that everything just stopped... and then started up again. He didn't tell me about this until a couple weeks ago when he shared that he needed to have a pacemaker installed. Apparently, his heart chambers weren't communicating as they should have which caused them to skip beats.

So Friday I took my dad into get his pacemaker. Before the surgery my dad was told there were a number of things he wouldn't be able to do once he had the surgery (such as use a gas chain saw) so he was pleased when the doctor and Medtronic Rep assured him that he would be fine. My dad is a very active 84 year old who owns 4 gas chain saws. And now he is looking forward to cutting down the neighbors dead trees.

Waiting to go into surgery.

See the toilet? Yeah, that's it hidden under that bench so you can go to the bathroom right next to your bed. Weird, but I guess it saves space. 

I was hoping to bring Riley back and walk through the hospital marsh, but it was raining by the time we returned.

My dad got through the surgery without any issues. I was surprised at how small an incision they made. I actually took a picture of it so my dad could see as he was on bed rest at the time. I used my good judgement and decided not to post it here. It's really not that disturbing, but certainly not for everyone. I brought Riley back around dinner time to see her grandpa. Unfortunately, she was wired up which was probably super annoying to the other patients on his wing which was simply 4 'rooms' separated by curtains.

On the way out Riley saw some Sesame Street character stuffed animals in the gift shop window. As we passed by she told them good bye and that she loved them. She's been doing this with a lot of things... like her water bottle which has been getting a lot of hugs lately. She's a nut (just like her dad).

The next day my dad was to get out of the hospital around 10 so I called over at 9, but wasn't able to get through. After multiple attempts I went to the hospital and found my dad waiting in the lobby for a cab. Apparently, he tried called me multiple times, but couldn't get through. Oh, the shame if my dad had to take a cab home.

My dad pretty much resumed his regular schedule as soon as he got out of the hospital by driving over to my mom's nursing home (I followed him for good measure). Apparently, not even a surgery can keep my dad down.

Photo Dump

We've been trying to spend a lot of time outside as it sure beats being cooped up inside as we were most of the winter. We've been cleaning up our overgrown (and weedy) backyard for some time and this is the year that we (my husband) really did something about it. Riley is obviously trying to help here by moving this rock.

It's a little hard to hear with the airplane noise overhead, but Riley is shouting out her ABC's and running in circles. This occupies her for a great deal of time. I now love sidewalk chalk.

I would love to claim these as our own, but our lilacs are struggling to make it. Luckily, my neighbor has a bunch and they smell wonderful. I'm usually pretty sensitive to smell, but this smell reminds me of the start of nice weather and of growing up so it's a feel good smell for me. 

This area was completely overrun with plants and weeds. We cleared out much of it last year and put in these walking stones which Riley loves. You can see our mostly non-flowering lilacs on the left.

Pretending to talk on the phone or channeling Dr. Evil?

She loves talking on the phone... even though no one is on the other line. She appears to have a full conversation where she will laugh, make gestures, and say words. It makes me wonder if that's what I look like on the phone. Where would she get it otherwise?

"So then I says to the guy..."

Alphabet Way. Please ignore the all the dandelions.

We have a pretty standard bedtime ritual, but occasionally we'll go play in the little nook upstairs before book time. Here Riley is showing off some new jammie jams. Check out her runway walk. 

Picture time with mommy. Again, I am reminded how much she looks like her dad. 

Riley and Jesse came with me while I looked for new glasses. She insisted on trying some glasses on and kept these on for quite some time. 

I think she was pretty smitten with herself. 

I didn't get any glasses, but I think these were my favorite. I'll have to go back without the distraction of a child and when I am wearing mascara. Yes, mascara. With a previous pair of glasses I couldn't wear mascara because my lashes were too long. Oh, the problems I have.

Oh, and a random update for those who read my Day in the Life post. Turns out the jaw pain (and subsequent symptoms) I had was from a new medication I was taking. Well, that's my best guest. The pharmacist and doctor's office didn't know what it was about, but said it was entirely possible that the new meds were causing the problems. I stopped taking them and I've gradually gotten better. My jaw is still slightly achy, but I am no longer in the pain I was. Luckily, I have other options for this medication and grateful I don't have something like shingles. 

Book Review: Toujours Provence

Toujours Provence by Peter Mayle

Toujours Provence starts up where Peter Mayle's A Year in Provence  left off. It's a book filled with a collection of stories about life in Provence. Gold coins, truffles, French food, constipation...intriguing, fun stories that make you feel as if you were spending a year in Provence yourself. Not every story is as riveting as the last, but none the less, a good read even if you haven't read A Year in Provence (like me).

Each of us could probably find some interesting stories to tell about our own neighborhoods (I swear there are interesting things that happen in Minneapolis suburbs), but it is unlikely we could string together words the way Mayle does.What makes this a worthwhile read is less the stories themselves, but the way in which Mayle tells them. Grade: B

Books read since the beginning of 2012: 13

April Photo a Day - Week 4+

4/22

The last thing you bought

Ok, so the last thing I bought was actually in my belly and no longer on this plate, but you get the idea. Jesse, Riley and I took Jesse's mom out to dinner for her birthday... and even got the special treat of having Jesse's aunt Babe along.

4/23

Vegetable

Never hurts to have a healthy stash of veggies in the freezer. Especially, when your toddler fancies certain veggies for short periods of time.

4/24

Something you're grateful for

I am incredibly grateful for the family I have. Unfortunately, I didn't check the prompt for this day until I was already at work... and it was my late day so Riley would be in bed before I got home. I discussed this with my husband when I got home and he pointed out that I was grateful for him too so I suggested I take his picture. He didn't go for that so I captured this instead.

4/25

Looking down

We really don't let Riley play with the iPad all that much, but when she does she has a favorite app that she plays with: The Monster at the End of This Book  featuring Grover. According to her the iPad is actually called "Grover" so when she says "Grover" it almost always means she wants the iPad. She also knows that she has to sit on the ground to play with it so she will run and sit on the floor when I agree to let her play with it. 

4/26

Black + White

I almost want to show you the color picture because the grass is probably the greenest (and healthiest) we'll see it until next spring. At any rate, this is my back yard. It may not be huge, but after my last yard this seems like an oasis to me.

4/27

Somewhere you went

If I had my camera with me I might have taken a picture of the Dandelion Kitchen food truck as that's where I got my super delicious tomato and mozzarella sandwich. Instead I decided to take a picture of somewhere I went several years ago to get married... St John, Virgin Islands. Plus this seems timely since we just celebrated wedding anniversary.

4/28

1 pm

The weather this day was pretty crappy. I think Jesse was looking longingly outside hoping for warmer weather.

4/29

Circle

Cheap and easy entertainment - write the alphabet in a circle in the driveway. I'm pretty sure Riley was dizzy after running around this as much as she did.

4/30

Something that makes you sad

Really the only things that I could think of that made me truly sad would be the loss of my husband, child or dad. Since images of that would be hard to capture I realized that my health issues often make me sad... especially my migraines. And an even sadder thought would be if Riley inherits the same issue. I've made the best of it, but migraine pain can really cut into the quality of your life and the relationships you have.

See April Photo a Day week 1, 2, and 3.